This time just a few years ago life looked a lot different for me. Going through something that truly broke me and I thought surely would be the end of me showed me how merciful of a Father we have.
I wrote in my journal this time two years ago. “God please just make this pain end. I can’t breathe, I can’t keep any food down, and I feel like I am being buried. Please just save us.” It was then I heard that still soft voice say to me, “You were not buried, you were planted.” I couldn’t understand Him then, but as I sit here planted in this garden as a bloomed sunflower, I know what He meant.
I have learned and lived so much life in these short twenty nine years. Somethings I wish I never had to endure/live, however they have made me into the woman I am today. If I were to remove all the pain and mistakes of my past, I would also remove all the knowledge and wisdom I have right now in this present moment. I used to be made to believe we are forever defined by our mistakes. This is the biggest lie from the enemy. That you will forever be stuck and defined by your sin. You will never be the woman or man God has called you to be. Don’t believe him. I promise you and have testimony that on the other side awaits the truth. Your potential.
The Daughter or Son you were always called to be
There's a reason for every season!!!
Each season that passes me teaches me something more I need to learn about myself, my testimony, and my relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ. I’ve felt on top of the world in my faith lately. Avoiding temptation of all kind, binding and rebuking all lies of the enemy, and truly becoming more of the woman my Father has called me to be. However all it takes is one thing, and one moment to take you off the covenant path. When your walk with the Lord is the strongest it’s ever been, prepare yourself for an attack. The enemy is like a lion that just waits around the corner ready to feast. He waits for his opportunity to strike, so be prepared. Cover yourself in the word daily, this is your greatest weapon.
If there is something in your life that keeps you from the spirit, understand it’s just a tactic of the enemy, a trap. He set it out specifically where he knows you will put your foot next. We are human and making mistakes is unfortunately just apart of life. Guess what? You will continue to make mistakes throughout your life, but it is because of the Atonement we are forgiven and are able to overcome all things the enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. The very things I thought were the end of me and buried me are the very reason I have been planted in this garden and have such a bold faith.
It was through that pain I felt my Father’s love the most. In losing it all, I found Him. Well, in reality He found me. I heal loudly, because I suffered too long in silence. So this is why I have this blog, how I am so confident in sharing The Gospel and how the Atonement has changed my life and molded me as a woman. The gratitude I feel for my loving Heavenly Father, My Savior Jesus Christ and his Atonement is not one I think I could ever truly form into words. So let me do so in my actions, Lord. Let every single day the way I live my life be my thank you.
Heavenly Father
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity
DON'T FORGET TO THANK HIM!
I thank my Heavenly Father for the challenging seasons. It is through them I am growing to trust in Him more. I have truly learned what it means to walk by faith and not by sight. The main question I find myself asking, He answers in every season. He has continued to show me I do not fight this battle alone. When I am on my knees crying out to Him asking how it’s possible to keep going, His is right there always telling me the battle is His and to not give up. All of His confirmations continue to find me, and I promise Him that I will seek in Him in all I do.
He is the reason my hope is kept alive daily. He is the reason I don’t give up on hard things. I look at everything around me and it truly is all answered prayer. He promised me I would never be without, I would have the means to provide for my daughter, I would meet a good godly man, and become the Wife, daughter, sister, and friend he has called me to be. He has upheld every promise. What I thought was the end of me was really the beginning. The end was the start of something new, something better. Something centered entirely on Him.
The woman I used to be could never touch the woman I am today. I feel for her though, the woman I was a few years ago. Oh how I wish I could hold her in those moments and tell her, It really does get better, and like He promised, I will have it all.
I think the main thing I would tell her though is this, “You were never buried, you were planted.. Now it’s time to bloom.” This world can be so dark and the people in it can be so cruel, again like I’ve said in many other blogs, it’s just a mirror. Hurt people, will forever unintentionally hurt people. I know this all too well.
This life and the challenges the enemy throws our way are hard enough, so today, choose God in all you do. From the things you watch, the conversations you have, the clothing you wear, to the people you surround yourself with. If it is from God it will only bring you closer to Him. So those who are checking in on you, praying for you, and loving you despite it all. Whether that be past mistakes, pain, lies, etc, it’s through God they can love and look past it. That’s a big thing I have learned about His agape love. It knows no bounds, it holds no records of wrongs and it beareths all things. So if He can love, forgive, and continue to be there whenever we need Him, why can’t we do that for those we love?
I’ll share one last thing before I go. I have a neighbor just down the hall from me. She’s about mid eighties and fully disabled. When I first moved in, I thought she was married because I saw this older gentleman always by her side, however he would leave. As the months passed and we began to really get to know our neighbors I learned this man was her ex - husband. Day after day I see this old man taking her on walks around our complex, unloading the trunk filled with groceries, and just always being by her side. Well while doing laundry one day I started chatting with my neighbors night nurse. I asked her if that’s her ex - husband why he still comes around to which she answered me “We don’t understand it either, but his response has always been, “Love only stops if you decide it stops.”
The way he continues to show up and love her despite a past no one knows about is just proof love overpowers all things and by His grace we can overcome it all. The hard things are what build the foundation for the good things to grow.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
My Sweet Kind and Gracious Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this day, this season, and all you have blessed with me. It is because of you I have all I do. Where I live, my job, the people in my life are all by your grace. Thank you for all of it. All you continue to teach us, although some lessons are harder than others, you never let me fail. Please bless this reader, Lord. I feel the enemy attacking so many, especially marriages lately. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy all things that are of you. I bind and rebuke him in Jesus mighty name. I command you Satan to leave my family, daughter, friends and all my brothers and sisters in christ alone. All of your games, tactics, and traps have been revealed. I know how you work in men, I know how you weaken them, so I bind and rebuke the spirit of lust, pornography, deception, and the grass is greener mentality right now in Jesus name. I command you leave my family alone right now. You think you have us fooled, you think you have this all figured out. Let me be your forever reminder you are weak and nothing. Our Father Is greater than you and bigger than you and wins every story. Families are being restored, more and more are being delivered from sins today. All my life you have been so faithful God, and I thank you for it. Thank you for our homes, our families, our means support and how we come by all of it. Thank you for restoring all the enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy. You get the victory, forever. I love you and I can't wait wait to see what else you will teach me this season.
I say this humbly in Jesus mighty name.
Amen
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