The Lord spoke soo clearly to me today “Why do tears continue to feel your eyes over something I promised is already yours?” 

The very move you’re too scared to make is the one that could change everything for you. So do it scared.

This time just a few years ago life looked a lot different for me. Going through something that truly broke me and I thought surely would be the end of me showed me how merciful of a Father we have.I wrote in my journal this time two years ago. “God please just make this pain end. I can’t breathe, I can’t keep any food down, and I feel like I am being buried. Please just save us.” It was then I heard that still soft voice say to me, “You were not buried, you were planted.” I couldn’t understand Him then, but as I sit here planted in this garden as a bloomed sunflower,  I know what He meant. 

This season has been such a good one let me tell you. Finally and completely surrendering certain things makes me realize it was never best in my hands from the beginning. Wanting control only stemmed from the deception and lies I was being fed and choosing to eat. I was convinced that if I could control it from start to finish, the ending would be fine. I wouldn’t get hurt. This was all Satan’s plan though. This was the biggest lie.

As I sit here at this computer desk I am surrounded by and covered in a puddle of my own tears. The feeling of defeat overcame me so strongly. For a second, the enemy had me believing he won all over again. Then, God gave me Josh.

This season, I feel a boldness I can’t explain. A boldness that comes so strongly from my Savior. To live and love in all the ways he did. How many times was he mocked, scoffed at, beaten down, etc. How many sought to destroy his name? 

Learning to trust in God's timing is not an easy overnight thing. In a world where you can have anything at your fingertips within minutes, it's too easy to become someone that expects things instantly and or even demands it. His timing, is always on time though. It's better to wait for his perfect timing for things to fall into place, rather than rush it and watch it all fall apart again.

In life we will experience many, “unknowns.” It’s truly engrained in our DNA to go into panic mode when things are out of place and or are way off of your regular routine. 

Every time I visit the temple I am reminded of God’s promises and how beautiful and blessed we are to be with our families forever

The Lord put this topic on my heart so strongly. What does it mean truly to have Eyes As Pure As Christ’s? 

This afternoon the title of this blog read differently and all the words within it. I poured out my heart and wrote the longest thing I have yet. Each time I went to publish the post, I couldn't. So I would go and edit it, start completely over, and try and publish it again. I did this probably about five times. As a writer, words flow from me as quickly as the nile river.. However today I was just stumped and I questioned every sentence. " So I said to God, "Lord I don't know, but I know you do."

One thing I used to struggle with immensely was which version of me tried coming out in healing, conflict, and finding myself. I'm sure you can relate. So here's all the versions of me.