You owe it to yourself

 You owe it all to yourself to see what the other side looks like... So begin today

I want you take a moment and think of your greatest potential, the person you've always imagined yourself becoming, and the life you've always imagined yourself living. Then I want you to look at where you are today and ask yourself, "Am I doing all the things that bring me closer or further from this person, from my greatest potential?" 

These last few months have tested me and challenged me in ways I can't even bring myself to write about. Let's just say it was tough, and for a min there it looked like Satan was winning all over again. WHY GOD!?. WHATS THE POINT?! DON'T YOU SEE ENOUGH OF MY TEARS?! I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE. I AM DONE FIGHTING. I AM DONE STANDING.  Are thing's I cried out in anger and frustration. 

I remember one night feeling completely defeated and crying myself to sleep. The following morning I woke up to a tear stained pillow and before I could even yawn my eyes filled with tears and I again was drowning in my puddle. I got so upset and said, "Lord I haven't even begun my day and I'm already in tears. I have surrendered everything I have to you, please take this pain because I can't bear it another second." It was in that moment I was reminded all that he had to bear for me and my sins. I immediately thought of the scripture, "Love is patient, Love is kind, it bears all things, it is long suffering." I didn't want to leave my bed I just wanted to lay there and cry, however I pushed myself. I thought of all He did for me, so I crawled to knees and prayed. I thanked Him for all He has continued to bless me with. I thanked Him for the day I was going to have and for not making my heart cold despite how broken I was feeling. I cried out to Him and said "Lord, please don't let my heart change. I do not want my heart to change, I don't  want to lose my faith again, I don't want to lose my optimism, I don't want to become bitter. Lord please I don't want to see the glass half empty. I don't want to give up, because I owe It to you and myself to see what that looks like." That night despite not wanting to whatsoever I pushed myself to the temple. I felt a complete utter mess and couldn't even make it to the front door without crying. A friendly face met me there and said, "I was worried about you, but I'm so glad you came." I sat there the entire time with tears pouring continuously from my eyes. Feeling beyond broken, but at the same time so loved. 

When you think you're down and have no fight left, that's when you give it your all.

Satan is a liar, deceiver, and will forever paint a picture that giving up is your best option. Trust me, I know this personally. "You've given all you have, you're so tired, you can't do this all on your own, they're never gonna change." These are things he will whisper to you, don't listen. When you're down to the last fight, give it all you have. You owe it to yourself, you owe it to God. 

You owe it to yourself to see what happens when you become the best Woman/Man God has called you to be.

You owe it to yourself to see what happens when you don't give up on your marriage and or what he can do with a broken one

You owe it to yourself to see what life is like not chained to pornography + lust.

You owe it to yourself to see how many lives you can serve with your two hands

You owe it to yourself to see how far your voice + His word can travel 

You owe it to yourself to see the VICTORY that's coming.

You owe it all to yourself and to God to see who you can become in His name !

So don't stop here. Don't throw the towel in or call it quits.

Don't you dare for one second think about giving up. DON'T LET SATAN WIN. He's betting on it.

There will be many days in our future where we will want to thank our old selves for not giving up. Where we look back on how hard we fought/all the things we fought for. At the end of the day we can thank ourselves, but it comes down to thanking , we nee to thank Him for His love for us. His love that has sustained us through every trial and storm that has come our way. It is by His grace we are standing where we are today.   So our thanks is to Him for instilling in us an obedience to keep going. There are many things I have wanted to quit and give up on because let's face it, it just seems hopeless.  However His love has pushed me. His voice is what tells me to keep going. His spirit is what sustains me.

For those that want to give up on yourselves and have been made to believe God isn't real and doesn't love you. I promise you the day you surrender your will for His and just trust with a faith as small as a mustard seed.. your life and the way you see things will change. I know what it's like to not really know Jesus and I know even more so what life is like without Him in it completely. I don't wish it on anyone. The pain and mental torment you go through thinking, "this is it, this pain is all life will ever be." Now hearing above, the hail storm I just went through may confuse you. If Jesus is in her life how can she still have hard days? Well I'm human, I still hurt and feel every emotion.. However my emotions no longer control me and I have faith. My faith gets me through every single hard day. It truly sustains me and gets me through all things. Life is already hard enough, so just trust Him. Give it to Him. Even if you don't know what that looks like, even if you don't know how to pray, even if you think it's pointless. I promise you He is aware of you and has been waiting for you to come back home to Him. 
You are his prodigal son, so come on home. There are welcoming arms waiting for you.

This topic is always a hard one for people to swallow, especially if they're considering divorce/separation. Don't take my words as anything, instead listen to the spirit... After all He's the one who lead me to even write this. When God ordains marriage He is bringing a Man and Woman together to be helpmates for one another. A man is to leave his Mother and Father and cleave to his wife/vice versa. A woman is to honor and respect her husband while a man is to be his wife's covering and love her as Christ loves the church. We get this wrong time after time people. This generation has it so beyond messed up. You DO NOT GIVE UP on your spouse. I don't care how tough it gets, if they become someone you don't recognize, and it's just down right awful. Don't you understand this was Satans plan the moment God had you and your spouse meet? The moment you said your I do's and entered a covenant it has been Satan's goal to separate you. You owe it to Heavenly Father, the one who brought you your spouse and who you also have a covenant with... To not give up on your marriage. To fight like heck for it. 

His words are here for a reason.
“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” Matthew 19: 4- 6

You owe it to yourself to see what not giving up on your Marriage/Family looks like

A marriage is a covenant.. A civil marriage is until death due you part, but a sealing is eternal. Some think if I get a divorce my covenant is broken. Study Gods word, I promise He is in complete disagreement with this. Yet again another lie from the enemy!" If I leave, I'm good! I'm not in a covenant anymore." How about you think back on the love that brought and kept you together for so long, that was God. Think of the times where you couldn't imagine your life without that person. What changed? I'll tell ya, your heart did and it wasn't because you "fell out of love," it's because you stopped fighting for it, you stopped showing it, and you just gave up. Your ego and pride puffed up and perhaps you had a good ol ego stroke from somebody. Satan made sure the grass looked greener on the other side didn't he? The promise "This person is so horrible to you, you can find so much better!" "You deserve more." You know who deserves more? Jesus. The man who gave his life for your sins. The man who suffered the ultimate pain on the cross YOU & YOUR SPOUSE. He deserves more from us. God ordained these marriages so you better fight with absolutely everything you have in you for them.

Marriage is an act of faith and there must be faith and courage to see it through, to endure to the end, despite the difficulties, trials, disappointments, and occasional bereavements which may be encountered. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Your God ordained spouse Is more than likely the person who will be the one person to piss you off most in this life. They will try you, challenge you, and test every bit of patience you have In you. This is all for a reason. They not only know you best, but it is through loving them through those challenges that you are learning the love and patience Jesus has for us. You are learning that Marriage is the greatest gift of sanctification. How many times have you said to yourself or to your spouse, "It shouldn't be this hard." What makes you think any of us are deserving of it being easy? You think uphill climbs on your mountain bike are easy? They're not, you switch gears, and you push through. That's exactly what the heck you do in marriage. If it's not working, switch gears, change the tire, tape up what needs taping and keep pushing forward. Don't give up on who God brought you. What makes you think He will just give something new and shiny when you've tossed what you used to be your most precious gift because it stopped working the way you wanted it to? So what, your spouse doesn't fit your mold anymore? They pissed you off? They sinned? They lost their way?

The enemy had me believing for so long that I wasn't worth the fight, that my daughter and I were nothing but scrapped goods from the fridge. Oh how I wish I could go and hold Jaeden and Ry in 2022. I wish I could show them how good life is going to be for them and how what the enemy is using to break them God will use for so many good things. I know for a fact my daughter and I are and will always be worth the fight. I know if God ordains something, it will forever be worth fighting for. So when it comes to marriage if you're thinking of tossing the towel, switch gears, tape it up and keep going. You owe it yourself to see what God can do with a broken marriage. You owe it to Him to fight for the covenant He blessed you with.

Same goes with Lust/Pornography.

Don't you want to finally break free from those chains? Sure it feels good in the moment, then what are you left with? An absolute gut punch feeling. You can overcome it, I know it's hard, but push past it. God is telling you right now, please my Son/Daughter break free from the chains today. A life without it is truly a life that is worth living. The anger that consumes you, the hopelessness that fills your head is all taken when you finally break free from it. So step away, and choose to stop falling back into the old patters. Ask the Lord to reveal to you what the spirit of lust looks like. I promise you she ain't pretty. I've come face to face with her and what you think is the most desirable, heart racing, exhilarating, thrill, in reality is sickening and will bring you to your knees with humility and shame. I'm telling you if you really want to see what the spirit of lust truly looks like, ask the Lord to reveal it to you. He will. 

Your potential.. The man/woman of Christ you have been called to be is ten times more than you can ever imagine. The places your testimony will take you and the lives you will touch is incomprehensible. Your hands will serve more than you thought possible. Again, you owe it to yourself to see what that looks like. So when you're in the last fight, when all seems hopeless, and you feel you have given it you all and have nothing left to fight for.. Fight even harder, because when I say you're not alone I mean it and fighting for the things He blessed you with, will always be worth it.

This life will try you and test you beyond your limits. Don't you want to look back and at least say you gave it your all before giving up? I've had to see this fight to the very end, because my children, my grandchildren, my husband, the generations to come from me, and my Heavenly Father are all worth it. I thank the Lord for my storms, my scars, and the battles I've had to face and am currently facing. They are bringing forth a woman I didn't know was possible. A strength I didn't know I could muster. He continues to prove himself faithful and to this very day I feel so underserving, yet He still loves me with such a perfect love.

This is why I write these blogs... Not to prove I am anything with my words, but to prove with my words He is EVERYTHING. He saved me, changed me, and I owe it all to him. So to sum this one up, you owe it yourself and to HIM to see what not giving up looks like. To see what He can do with broken marriages/families, to see how he can make your addictions your strengths! The life that is on the other side of this one a good one and whenever it is I am called home I want people to know that I am the kind of woman that fought hard for all Jesus gave her and fought to be everything He created her to be. I believe in My Fathers word, I believe in Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ, I believe I serve the God of the impossible, I believe He is the waymaker and through Him all things are possible. I believe in the restoration of broken marriages, I believe His love can sustain you through every addiction and trial. I believe NOTHING is impossible for him. 

Because that is the God I serve.