Make it count and give this life everything you have.

Been a minute since I’ve written anything. The last few months, have been let’s just say rather eventful. Moving, holidays, work, life, etc… When is life not crazy? Heavenly Father wouldn’t let me sleep without writing this though, because He said these words matter, YOU matter. He said “Make it count and give it everything you have.” So let’s write abut it shall we?

There are many moments throughout our lives where our ego’s will be bruised and pride will make its appearance quickly. However when you take a step back and really sit with the very thing you’re upset about or person you’re upset with, it truly doesn’t matter. Not when you realize what matters most in this life. It’s taken me a lot to get in this point in my life. Where words and actions roll off and don’t affect me like they used to. In the moment I’ll recluse, but instead of shutting down like I used to I go hard in prayer. I ask the Lord to direct my next steps, to help me have the words and actions to take that will be nothing but a reflection of His light and love. 

My family just unexpectedly lost my cousin Jennifer on Christmas night. Growing up we didn’t see eye to eye, and man did we butt heads. I remember always looking up to her though and saying how badly I always wanted to be like her and her sister Jess. They were like the older sisters I never had.  Whatever they had, I wanted. Hammi downs were my fave from them aha. A few months ago I saw my cousin and we had the best time. Laughing, hugging, and reminiscing on things. We laughed about all our stupid fights and apologized to one another. We agreed how dumb we were and how we wish we could go back and time. Oh man would I give anything, especially now. I’ll never forget how that last hug felt.

I look back on some of those moments with my cousin Jen and it was our stubbornness, pride, ego, etc that got in the way too many times. I wish I knew then what I know now, but man am I so unbelievably grateful to have those unknown amazing last moments with her in that hospital room. Her passing has reminded me all over again what matters most in this life, and that’s being a true disciple of my Savior Jesus Christ and my family. This is truly what matters most to me and it should be for everyone else. Losing Jen has hit our family so hard. I wake up with my heart aching for her Boyfriend Kevin, My Aunt and my cousin, for my Mom, my brother, sister, grandma, etc. Why is it when someone passes we remember what matters most? Why can’t we remember that now? I wish I could go back on so many moments with her. Since I learned of her passing I can't help but just cry with so much regret. Why didn't we just forgive and let our stubbornness go sooner!? Why were we such boneheads to each other. I have wept and wept and I have felt her presence with me. I see her hands on her hips now, "Listen here brat, that was in the past and of course I forgive you. I love you." I keep seeing and feeling her so strongly. I thank her for that. Take it from me though, make up, let go of any frustration/pain! It ain't worth it. Love your family

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I look at so many moments where my ego and pride was quicker to find me vs patience, love and forgiveness. All I want to do is give love, be love, and spread love. My grandma always called me her sunshine girl, maybe this is what she meant by it? At the end of the day our pride, ego, and stubbornness are just seeds planted by the enemy. You determine what grows, so do differently. Tonight I felt rejected and hurt by something and instantly I went to recluse/push away… However I got on my knees and prayed. I asked the Lord to direct my steps. I asked him to guide and me teach me what I am meant to learn from this. Ya know what He told me? How could I ever feel rejection when HE lives in me and loves me. When He died for me. When he reminds me of his unfailing love every single day. When I am his Daughter.

How could I, let alone any of us feel rejection when we are blessed to look in the mirror and see our Fathers creation staring back at us, daily? Ya know what matters most? Having gratitude for another day, being able to feel his love, and having family. He loves us so much He gave us one another. He gave us who we have. So love them, my goodness just love them. Even when they piss you off, even when they’re stubborn, hell even if you are rejected. Love the hell out of them because that is what matters. That is how our savior was. His word is his will for us. 

If you were blessed to wake up today, choose forgiveness, choose love, and choose God tomorrow. If you are harboring any ill feelings, anger, or resentment towards anyone especially family lay it at the cross and don’t you ever pick it up again. This life is too dang short, no one is promised tomorrow. So if there is any last words or memories you are blessed to share with someone make it count. Let them forever be a reflection of Christ. If you’re gonna give your all in anything let it be in the ways you love people. Give love everything you have and make it count. There are far too many opportunities missed due to fear, stubbornness, pride, ego, etc. Let go of the things that hold you back, be unapologetically yourself, be the Son/Daughter God has called you to be and just choose love every time. I promise, charity and a true christlike love is where you will find true happiness in this life. You forgive, because you are forgiven daily. Thank you for this reminder Jen, thank you for being that bright beam of sunshine in my life just like Mason now. Take good care of my son and give him all the hugs and kisses for me please. 

In honor of my witty, silly, bold, sarcastic, fiery, loving, bubbly, beautiful cousin Jennifer Ann Jones. 

Oh how loved you are. I’ll do my part here. Our family is everything cuz. I miss you and love you.. Until we bicker again, brat ;p

3/14/1989 - 12/25/2024

My Dear Kind and gracious Heavenly Father, 

Thank you for another day, my family, my beautiful daughter, my home, means of support, my career, my church family, and truly Lord all you have you blessed me with. I thank you for hearing each and every single prayer, for the temple, the gospel in our lives and our savior Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father, please bless my family during this time. Losing Jennifer has hurt us all so deeply. Please bless Kevin and his Family. My aunt Christy and Jessica, please have your arms wrapped around them Lord. Give them the strength to keep going. Bless us all to keep living for Jen. Thank you Heavenly Father for your word, your agape love, and being forgiven daily. Lord, I am desperate for you and cannot live without you. If there are people in my family who need to know you more, search their hearts and find them. Meet them where they're at. Bless them, Lord. Everything we are and have are yours, Lord. Help us to always remember what matters most in this life and thats you. Living and loving in all the ways you did. Forgive us for our unbelief, falling to our flesh, our questioning and our sins. Jesus help us to be more of you, daily. I bind and rebuke the enemy off of my family and anyone reading this. Heavenly Father help us to always remember our authority comes from you and the enemy is nothing. Help us to always remember Family Lord, that is truly what matters most in this life. Help us to have decisions be ruled by fear, bless us to be bold and take chances in you. Thank you Lord for this reader, for not letting me sleep without writing this. Thank you for welcoming my beautiful cousin Jen with the most warmest and loving embrace. Thank you for what you are doing in me. I feel you moving, healing, directing, and guiding every one of my steps in this life. Please bless this reader, oh how I love them Lord.