Then You Gave Me Josh

Defeat overcame me this morning, so I went to my room and collapsed into my pillow. I held it like a child would their favorite stuffed animal. I cried out to my Father, “When? Why? You’ve told me to do this, you’ve told me be still and to trust You! There is no fruit to this labor, I can’t do it anymore.” 

I wept, wept some more then made my way back to my desk. I prayed for strength, discernment, peace, and understanding. I didn’t feel God, I was too heavy in emotion. So I turned on some music, took a few deep breaths and said, “This battle belongs to you. I am surrendering it again to you.” I was led to write, so I picked up my pen and got to it. I wrote out my frustration, my pain, fears and doubts. Then I stopped and started crying out again, “You told me to do this, so why?! Why God?” He said to me, "keep writing."

As I picked up the pen and started writing I heard His soft still voice say to me, “I did give this to you. You are not doing this in vain. Remain in me. I am here.” I had reached out to a friend for prayer and comfort. As we were talking I went back and forth between messaging her and writing. While messaging her I texted “woah” and I must have done it wrong or it auto corrected because instead of Woah it said Josh. I didn’t mind it too much, but I did feel it was significant. I got back to writing and right when I was done I looked down and read
Josh 1:9 Short for Joshua 1:9.  at the bottom of my journal.

I get up every morning and put on my armor. His word covers me, and I am protected from all arrows of the enemy. The one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Why now Jaeden, why did it take you so long? I used to question myself this daily. Why? Why did it take me so long to get here? Then I feel my Father’s embrace and hear him say, “I knew you were coming. I know you got lost along the way, but you’re home now and the rest doesn’t matter.” 

I was the lost sheep who was found. In what ways can you still be found? What is God telling you to lay down and surrender? Who is he calling you to forgive? What do you need to repent of? The reality is we are all his little sheep lost at some points.. If you were there once, help your brother/sister home. The enemy wants them to stay in the dark, He wants them to be forgotten. He wants you to not forgive them, salt their names.. He wants you to abandon the people you love. 

Imagine being lost but one day you’re given a map with an X that marks the spot, but it’s only visible to your eye. The X is the arms of our Savior. Then you walk past someone who has hurt you, done you wrong, sinned against you, salted your name, etc. Imagine you have this map that points you back to the arms of our Savior and you see that person searching, crying, and calling out to be found.

Would Jesus say, “Leave them.”
Would Jesus leave them in the dark? Would our Father be proud and happy of you for leaving another sheep in the dark? 

I don’t even need to say it, because you know. He would’t leave you, and He wouldn’t leave them. So for those who are lost, help them back home. I know at one point or another we have all struggled with this, it’s ok.. We’re human and above all we are forgiven. 

This is where you have the opportunity to do differently. The next time the enemy tells you to give up, throw the towel in, and leave a sheep, don’t. 

Fight. 

Fight the hardest you ever have, because I promise you there is something so beautiful waiting on the other side of this war. I’ve seen it. The Lord has shown me so clearly. So when I wake up, I armor up. I stand firm knowing I am rooted in Christ and the attacks of the enemy will not reach me. He doesn’t win this war, not as long as this heartbeat remains in my chest. 

The things worth fighting the hardest for in this life are truly the greatest blessings from God. You will face obstacles of every kind getting there, but I promise you, as you trust completely in our Heavenly Father, and I mean truly surrender it to Him, the ending of your story will always be a beautiful one. So today an arrow got me, and it hurt, but My Savior, My Healer, and Redeemer, put his hands over my wound, and healed me. He handed me my shield, sword, and told me to get back up. He reminded me this battle is His. 

I am reminded of His sweet, tender mercy and unwavering love daily. Some days my fear is louder than my faith.. Some days I still do question the things he has called for me to do this season. Despite it all, I trust in my Father fully and completely. My life is His, in every stories ending. I cried out to you today, ready to put my sword down, then you gave me Josh.
Joshua 1:9. It was a scripture written in a journal I haven’t picked up for two months. All it took was your word, my truest weapon against the enemy. 

No matter how this story ends God, I surrender myself to you at end of it every time and PS Satan, Check Mate. 

My Dear Kind and Gracious Heavenly Father, Thank you for Josh today.